Friendships

They are choosing you.

We are all guilty of neglecting friendships; not reaching out when we should, not making time for that coffee date, calling just to check on them…………………. you get the point! Fact is we get so caught up in our own roller coaster ride of life that we forget the value of those friendships sometimes.

I had an impromptu day date with a very dear friend the other day. Our time together was no different than any of the other we have. From the minute we see each other neither can stop talking. We have to catch each other up on what’s going on. Every date includes; eating, shopping and Starbucks!

I always leave feeling so much better and wondering why we both waited so long between each time. She is one of those friends that is always there no matter what, she always send the perfect message at the perfect time, loves me for who I am, and reaches out when she needs me for ANYTHING!

That night after a wonderful day with her, I text her as I normally do to thank her for the wonderful time I had, it was much needed and we need more of them. It made me think- what an honor it is for someone to choose me. If they text me, they are choosing to have a conversation with me. If they invite me to do something, they are choosing to spend time with me. Friends are people who choose you! They are not like my sister who does not have an option (lol).

Friends are those who lift you up, who are there to wipe the tears, laugh with, you can trust them, encourage you, they also bring out the best version of you. Friendships should not be hard! They should not drain your energy, show jealousy, criticize you, make you feel bad about who you are, do not respect your boundaries, are only there when they need you!

We all must learn to appreciate those relationships. It should be an honor to have them. I am the first to admit to not being the best friend. This is truly a weakness of mine that needs work. Today I challenge you to think about your relationship with your friends, what can you do to strengthen those relationships and show appreciation .

“Because of you, I laugh a little harder, cry a little less, and smile a lot more.“

you go first!

How to Make Yourself Happy: Choosing to Put Yourself First

For a long time, I thought that happiness was something I had to earn—something that came after checking off a long list of responsibilities, making sure everyone else was okay, and leaving myself for last. Sound familiar? If you’re a natural giver, caretaker, or just someone who’s used to putting others first, this might resonate with you.

But here’s the truth I had to learn the hard way: You can’t pour from an empty cup. If you keep showing up for everyone but yourself, eventually, you’ll burn out—and the happiness you’re chasing will feel further away than ever.

So how do you make yourself happy? It starts with one powerful decision: putting yourself first.

1. Recognize That You Deserve to Be a Priority

This isn’t about being selfish. It’s about self-respect. You deserve rest. You deserve joy. You deserve time to do the things that light you up. If you keep waiting for permission, you’ll never get it. Give it to yourself.

Ask: What would my life look like if I treated my needs as valid?

2. Learn to Say No (Without Guilt)

Saying no is one of the kindest things you can do—for yourself and for others. It means you’re honoring your energy and your limits. The guilt will come at first, but over time, you’ll realize how freeing it is to stop overextending yourself.

Start small. Say no to something minor today. Let it be uncomfortable. Then remind yourself: I am allowed to protect my peace.

3. Make Time for What Fills You Up

Happiness often lives in the small things: a slow morning, a walk in the sun, laughing with a friend, creating something just for fun. The trick is making time for these things, not just hoping they’ll happen.

Try scheduling “joy time” the way you would any other appointment. Put it on your calendar—and keep that promise to yourself.

4. Speak to Yourself Like Someone You Love

We are often our own harshest critics. But what if, instead, you became your biggest cheerleader? Practice speaking to yourself with kindness, encouragement, and patience. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present.

Affirm to yourself: I am worthy of love and happiness, just as I am.

5. Surround Yourself with What (and Who) Feels Good

Protect your space. That includes the people you allow in it. Notice how you feel after spending time with someone—do you feel lighter or drained? Energy doesn’t lie. Surround yourself with people who support your growth and reflect the love you’re learning to give yourself.

Decluttering your environment (physically and emotionally) creates space for peace and happiness to settle in.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Selfish—You’re Self-Aware

Choosing to put yourself first is not a betrayal of others; it’s a commitment to your own well-being. And the beautiful part? When you are full—of joy, energy, peace—you have so much more to give. But this time, it’s not from a place of obligation. It’s from overflow.

So go ahead. Take up space. Say yes to yourself. Make happiness a habit—not a destination.

You deserve to be happy, not just helpful.

Be You!

From a young age, we are influenced by the expectations of family, teachers, peers, and society. We are gently (or not so gently) taught how to behave, what to believe, and even who we should become. While some of this guidance helps us navigate the world, it can also push us away from our true selves.

Many of us, at some point, have put on a mask—whether to fit in, avoid criticism, or meet someone else’s standards. But living for external validation comes at a cost. It can create anxiety, dissatisfaction, and even a sense of emptiness. True fulfillment comes when we step into our own identity, unapologetically embracing who we are.

What holds us back from being ourselves?

Fear of Rejection or Judgment

One of the biggest reasons people hide their true selves is the fear of not being accepted. Whether it’s the opinions of family, friends, colleagues, or even strangers on social media, we often worry about what others think.

Who are you?

Recently I was asked this question. At first I began to think about my titles. But that wasn’t what they were asking for. Stop and think for a minute and ask yourself; What are my values and beliefs, interest and passions, personality, relationships, purpose and meaning, and sense of self ( self-image)? Honestly this was a hard task! I had a longer list of what I was not than what i was. Also, I kept thinking of what I use to be. Why was that? My problem was like many of you, I was and had become afraid to be myself. You nor I should never apologize for who we are! We fear people will not like us, respect us, or value us if we do not “fit in”. While i was pondering on this, all i could think about was the many times I have reminded my daughter to be herself! God placed each of us on this earth with special qualities. He did not want us to all be the same. We should not envy others, compare ourselves, or conform to what others want us to be. But the reality is, not everyone will like or understand us—and that’s okay. The people who matter will accept us as we are.

Stop trying to fit in!

Being yourself isn’t always easy, but it is one of the most powerful acts of self-love and courage.

Romans 12:2 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Remember “Be yourself, everyone else is taken”

Balance and Boundaries…

Balance and boundaries — two words we hear so often, yet they can feel so hard to achieve. In today’s fast-paced world, achieving balance and maintaining healthy boundaries is essential for overall well-being. Whether in our personal lives, work environments, or social interactions, finding that sweet spot between being available and protecting our own well-being is a constant process. But how do we find that balance, and how do we set boundaries that protect our mental, emotional, and physical health? I know this struggle well, and maybe you do too.

When Balance Slipped Away

As many of you may know I always choose a word at the beginning of the year. That is the word that I focus on throughout the year. A few years ago, something happened in the middle of the year that lead me to really stopping and analyzing myself and life. That is when these two words came to mind. I realized in the middle of a life storm, I had to make changes and these two words were going to be my focus.

Creating Balance Through Boundaries

When I began evaluating every area of my life, I found myself overwhelmed. I was making everyone happy but myself! When we spread ourselves too thin—whether by overcommitting to work, social obligations, or personal responsibilities—burnout becomes inevitable. On the other hand, neglecting important areas of life can lead to dissatisfaction and a sense of unfulfillment. Striving for balance allows us to allocate time and energy to all aspects of our lives in a way that nurtures both productivity and inner peace.

Achieving balance means assessing our priorities and making conscious choices about where we invest our time and energy. This could mean setting aside moments for relaxation, pursuing hobbies, spending time with loved ones, or ensuring that work doesn’t consume our entire day. Without balance, we risk falling into cycles of stress and exhaustion that can negatively impact both our personal and professional lives.

I remember sitting in a room late one night or rather early one morning tears streaming down my face not understanding how I had got to this point. Along with the other things that were happening. It was then and there that I knew I needed balance, and that started with boundaries.

What Are Boundaries, Really?

Boundaries are the limits we set to protect our time, energy, and emotional health. They help us show up more fully and intentionally in our relationships and responsibilities without losing ourselves in the process.

What areas of your life feel off-balance? Where do you feel resentment or exhaustion? That’s a signal a boundary may be needed. It is about saying yes to things that I use to say no to and saying no to somethings that I use to say yes to. Okay I know that sounds confusing but stop and think about it. We don’t have to be harsh when we say no. For me, a lot of times when I said yes, I was really not able to fully commit like I should because I was trying to give and do in so many places. Stop, slow down and focus for a minute. What are your top priorities in life? We don’t have to be “on call” all the time! Protecting yourself from toxic relationships or draining interactions is vital. Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries and contribute positively to your life. It is okay to say no to some things and yes to those things and people that bring us joy. Let go of unnecessary obligations that drain you. Begin scheduling time in your week for some of the things that bring you joy; reading a book for 30 min a day or even just 15 min a day, get out those paint brushes, take a walk, wake up 30 minutes earlier for some me time, take a class in something you have always wanted to do, start marking things off your bucket list, schedule a date with a friend- and keep it!!! A balanced life starts with taking care of you!

When you start setting boundaries, something magical happens: your relationships deepen, your stress lessens, and you show up more fully in every area of life. It takes practice and patience, but the peace it brings is worth it. Finding balance and setting boundaries is an ongoing process. It requires self-awareness, intentional action, and the courage to protect your peace. When you establish clear boundaries and strive for balance in your daily life, you cultivate a sense of fulfillment, reduce stress, and create space for personal growth and happiness.

Final Thoughts

Remember, balance isn’t about perfection—it’s about making choices that align with your well-being. Prioritize yourself, set your boundaries, and embrace a life where you thrive, not just survive.

What boundaries have you set in your life? Where do you struggle with balance? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Vulnerable in the Valley…

Psalm 23:4 “Yea, though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”

I know what many of you are thinking, this passage is usually associated with death. And while you may not be in the valley of the shadow of death right now, you may be in another valley. A place of scarcity, danger, pain or just the unknown. Most of the time when we are “in the valley” is when we begin to examine our self. It allows us to open up about our fears, hopes and dreams. In doing so, we learn that our struggles are universal. When we think about a valley, we think about a low point. Valleys in life are those low points; it could be just as I described above or even more defined as; relational, emotional, financially, or spiritually. Take a moment to think back when you were in a “valley” in the past. It didn’t last forever. If you are honest with yourself, you learned something from being in that valley or hard time in life. So remember, when you are in a valley, it doesn’t last forever and we should use that time to really dive in and reflect on what you are to gain (strengthen), change, and how you will grow from this time. This is not your first time here, and guess what, it will not be your last! But we can find comfort in knowing that no matter if we are on the mountaintop or in the valley, we are never alone.

2 Corinthians 12:9 ” My power is made perfect in weakness.”

To God, strength lies in acknowledging our weaknesses and embracing our vulnerability. I find it interesting that the word vulnerable derived from the Latin noun vulnus “wound”. Vulnerable can be viewed in several ways. To me, means you are honest with who you are, how you feel and acknowledging the parts of yourself that you would rather keep hidden. Also, a different perspective would be thinking about it in terms of being vulnerable before God, surrendering, knowing God is at work in our weaknesses.

I do believe we are placed in these valleys sometimes to gain strength. We can be encouraged knowing that God uses the valley to strengthen our faith and draw us closer to him. Change is another reason why I feel we are sometimes placed in the valley. Changing our perspective on situations, change jobs that are toxic, change relationships, changing us as an individual. It could be that there has been a change and we may not understand why but remember “when one door closes another opens”. Growth, think about this, would you plant your seeds on the mountaintop? Or would you plant them in the valley where there is water and nutrients in the soil? In the valley right, just as God is growing you in your valley.

Be your authentic self, it allows you to have a stronger sense of who you are. Be more focused, showing grace to yourself and other imperfections. Focusing on self-investment and personal development. While valleys may make us vulnerable, begin to look at them as an opportunity. Our work is really done in the valley. Most of the time the valley is better than the mountaintop.

Until next time, let us be reminded of the wise words Winston Churchill stated, ” Mountain tops inspire leaders but valleys mature them”.

Life in the Fast Lane….

Do you ever think about your life? Like seriously think about it? I use to be the girl that on Monday was wishing it was already Friday! I still do sometimes, I was always rushing around, trying to see how much I could cram into a day (okay so maybe I still do) BUT even though I may still be and do all those things- something changed!! It was so bad, I could not even sit down to watch a movie because I felt like I was wasting time. Every minute of every day needed to be consumed in doing something productive.

So many of us are trying to make sure that our children have it better than we did by allowing them to participate in sports, cheer, dance, and signing them up for summer camps. Taking them on all these adventures. While I am not saying this is a bad thing, I do think we are overwhelming them sometimes just as much as we are ourselves. They too need down time. Time to be children just like we need time to be an adult.

As a mother, I remember when Taylor graduated from High School and how i felt- completely lost. I had everything scheduled out- and I mean everything!! From what days we had practice, game days- if they were home or away and depending on the day of the week I knew exactly which restaurant I was ordering our dinner or if we could eat at home. My phone contacts were full of restaurants numbers and I knew the specials depending on the day. While she was in whichever activity practicing I would not sit and wait like some of the other moms. I was either in my car grading assignments, preparing for lecture the next day or you would find me in the grocery store or Walmart. I was literally trying to multitask all the time!!

Today, I still struggle with some of the same things, how can I get one more task done in this 30 min. before I have to be somewhere else? Sitting in a zoom meeting, I am thinking about what I need to do when I get off, or maybe checking my emails while the meeting is going on. Come on, we all know we do this. Instead, I have began to just focus on the meeting, how can I engage more, contribute more. EMBRACE what is in front of you! Not only what you can get out of it but also, what you can contribute.

Instead of focusing on the next moment or the next thing I needed to do- I now try to EMBRACE each moment! Enjoy the week! I look back on my life and realize I was not enjoying the moments that God had given me and boy did I miss out! So as the weekend is coming to an end, I challenge you to slow down and enjoy each moment no matter what you are doing! EMBRACE the time with the ones around you, soak up all that is happening, engage with those around you!! Love life to its fullest and not wishing it away! Monday can be just as amazing as a Friday- mindset and perspective.

Until next time remember, “Life is short. Time is fast. No replay, No rewind. So enjoy every moment as it comes.“

Declutter your Everything!

Grab your coffee, hot tea, diet coke or wine and lets talk about this clutter. Yep, I said it! Clutter, you know the mess in your car, on your desk, your house? I don’t know about you but when I have too much clutter it is hard for me to focus and be productive. Same is true about our minds. While we will get into all those other areas another day, we are going to focus on our mind first. It is important to declutter that as well. How does that saying go? “My mind is like my web browser, 24 tabs open 3 frozen, and I have no idea where the music is coming from.” Most of the time I have so much going on in there I can’t think straight. So how do we declutter it?

First, I have found personally and with my students is to do a “Brain dump“. I know what you are thinking, but yes, trust me, this works!! Grab a piece of paper and just start writing any and everything that comes to mind. In class, I set a timer 1-2 minutes and tell the students to just write. This is anything from how you are feeling to your to do list or groceries you need to grab. Trust the process!! Once you get it all out on paper then you can begin to organize it. I use my planner for daily things i need to get done, a note pad on my phone for groceries and set reminders for other things. I also even have a notes page in my phone for all those links or items that I want to research aka shop for later online. Once I have cleared up some mind space and have written these things down, I do not have to continue to think and worry about them. I do this all the time. By doing this it has caused me less stress and anxiety.

Journaling is another way of declutter. I began to do this every morning or sometimes when i just have a lot on my mind. Morning time, I begin by writing five things i am thankful for. Yes, coffee is on the list most days. But then I just put my thoughts and feelings on paper. As I do this, I begin to feel a weight lifted off of me. Try it! Even if you have to tear it up later. It is okay- get those thoughts and feelings out. I would like to take a moment to elaborate on coffee being on that list most days. I have found that it isn’t really the coffee, but it is the time i have sat aside for that first cup of coffee. Those quite moments before the day begins, sipping that coffee while reading my devotion ,sitting quietly embracing the sounds of nature on my porch, or enjoying the view of the water. It really is the time that i have come to dedicate to that first cup of coffee. For you it may be hot tea, or whatever your favorite drink of choice its.

Alone time! Wow this one was hard for me and tricky. As I have gotten older and become an empty nester, alone time is something that I have come to enjoy. Walks on the beach or just sitting and watching the water dance. Or maybe it is just sitting in my comfy chair with my comfy clothes on – no phone, TV- nothing! As it says in Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.” Here is the tricky part- do not allow yourself to use this time to overthink!

Other things that I find help is MAKING myself do something I enjoy daily-yes even if it means allowing myself 30 extra minutes a day. I promise you will not miss that 30 minutes of sleep! What is something you enjoy? Crafting, reading, working out, puzzling, podcast, gaming, sitcoms? Whatever it is, allow yourself that 30 minutes to get wrapped up in mindless pleasure, unwind let go. You will be surprised at how much clearer your mind is and more productive you are!

While we can not live in todays world without technology, we can set limitations for ourselves. Now, get busy decluttering that mind! Look forward to hearing what works for you or leave a comment to share other suggestions you have found that help you.

Until next time, remember “Whatever is on your mind is in God’s hands”

New Year- New Things!

By request, Here I am! So many have reached out to me requesting links for my latest purchases, or want more devotions, random thoughts or ideas. Several suggested a blog. So here it goes!

If you somehow stumble across this and have no clue who I am, join the crowd! Best way to describe me is “ Hot Mess”.

You will quickly realize I CAN NOT do life without a daily dose of Jesus with a side of coffee.

New Year New you, Right?

As long as I can remember, New years resolutions were the thing! Truth is 90% of us failed them within the first week. Several years ago, I began using that crazy week between Christmas and New Years (you know the one where we don’t know what day it is, live in PJ’s or can’t remember last time you ate something healthy) yep, that’s the one. I use that week to reflect, recharge, and refocus.

Reflect on the past year, think not only about personally but professionally as well. Reflecting on not only your accomplishments but also your failures.

Recharge is the act of setting new goals, it keeps us focused and motivated.

Refocus on what are my priorities and goals for the coming year, what do I want to leave behind? What is important in my life? I use this simple template:

Priorities( family, friends, self-care, my health and wellness)

Goals (Growth, Routine, Practice)

Leaving behind (negatives, the things that I no longer wish to give time and energy to)

I am really intentional in each one of these, not just writing a word or making a list but expanding on it. For Example: (remember, these are just examples- the goal is to not just make a list but include your plan)

Family- spend more time with my parents: mom- day dates, lunch, just texting or calling her daily to check in.

Friends- be a better friend by sending a thinking of you text, making plans and keeping them!

Self care- monthly; massage or facial, weekly; 30 min a day of quiet time reading or hobby, using my eye patches, face mask, pedicure booties. Also, making sure i get 32oz of water daily. ( it doesn’t have to be expensive- just the little things will make a difference!)

Something else that has helped with this is a vision board. I use to do this on a piece of poster board, magazines, markers, glue and colored paper. Now I create them on my phone. It is a constant reminder of what you put on paper!

What’s the WORD?

Have you chosen it yet? You know that one word that will carry you through the year? This year I have chosen the word, EMBRACE. I think it describes perfectly the season I am currently in!

Embrace- myself and my life.

Embrace each moment. I need to stop worrying about what comes next, but yet just embrace the here and now!

Embrace who I am, I am chosen, I am worthy, I am loved!!

Lastly, find you a devotional book that speaks to you! Here are a few of my faves:

https://a.co/d/aH0VYlL  Back Porch Reflections on Gods Word

https://a.co/d/9zCDXua “Ending Your Day Right” Joyce Myers

https://a.co/d/9G49jFr “You Got This.”

A few other favs of mine :

https://a.co/d/iuEdD3w Affirmation Cards for Women

https://a.co/d/7V58q8g ” Hey Jesus Its Me”

Until next time, remember to “look for something positive in everyday, even if some days you have to look a little harder” Charity Sparrow

Hello Ladies!

Welcome to Southern with Sass. Style for everyone from boujee to budget, home organization and decor ideas along with personal growth encouragement.

If you somehow stumble across this and have no clue who I am, join the crowd! Best way to describe me is “ Hot Mess”.

You will quickly realize I CAN NOT do life without a daily dose of Jesus with a side of coffee. Salt life is the only life, for beaches are the best.

I truly enjoy life, family and friends.